Why Women aren't Crazy

Today started out like a regular Friday, nothing special. My day started as usual with my daily routine, when I got to work, I started checking my FB to see what new posts my friends posted, and I came across one interesting post, that stirred up a lot of emotions. I actually waited till afternoon to write my post here, had to get my emotion settle, before I was able to write


At first what caught my eye was the word "gaslighting", I had no clue what it meant, so I proceeded to click on the link, mind you, it was like 7:30 in the morning, and I do not drink coffee :). So I finish reading this article, and it has me almost in tears by the end of it. Ok, I do admit that I am feeling a little bit more emotional than usual at this time of the month, but still...  
I am married second time around, and my first husband was verbally abusive to me, and I married him when I was 18, very impressionable at that young age. Its really hard to realize when you are being mentally abused, until you find enough guts to leave, and see it from afar. Of course I will believe that I am stupid and good for nothing, if its told to me all the time, it just going to make me quiet and I will be keeping my opinions to myself, in order to avoid being put down. That makes him stronger, and now he has the power over me. My self worth is lower than the floor, why would anyone want me if my opinion does not matter, and nobody wants to hear me out. I swallow it, and keep going, I feel like I cant open my mouth to say anything, because it will get him mad, and its even worse. 
It is so easy to  fall back into the same state of mind with just a simple comment. For instance, I express something to my husband, and he turns everything into a joke, but its not funny for me, and I am not laughing, I don't want to be dismissed, my opinion matters, I am upset not because I am PMSing, I am upset because my feelings are not validated and I am not acknowledged.
I work hard to provide for my family, I deserve respect and love, and the more I do, the less I am being appreciated.
I asked my husband to read  this article, and I was speechless by his comment "oh, she is depressed one-sided bitch." I do agree that she was writing from her point of view, and I recognize that women do same things to men, but it still does not change the effect of "gaslighting". It really bothered me that he failed to recognize that, if I asked him to read this article, it meant something deeper to me. Next comment was "it has nothing to do with us". From my position, it is really hard to stand up for myself, as I am so used to being dismissed. I am almost scared to bring up the subject, and now I got my courage to speak up. I had to really explain to him that if I am upset and say something, I don't want a solution, I just want more compassion, and I don't want my feeling to be dismissed. In the end he finally saw my point. It was such a relief. 




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Looking into the soul of William Haubert

This is not my usual post. This is a repost of the comment that was written about my dear friend and a true Partner-in-Art William Haubert.  Sk Chandan Ali   My dear brother "Will"  Haubert , if any day I am asked about you as a person, I must say that you are one of those people who relentlessly seek beatification in a realm of pain. Now why I mentioned "pain"? Your works told me. I know many will be taking me as lunatic, but yes, when I dissect someone as an artist, his/her arts often "talk" to me. That's why I tell people that my research will take minimum 48 or 72 hours, that's why I tell them to provide documents/pictures/writings so that I can learn about them. I have a deep-rooted idea (tell assumption) of you (which I didn't tell) and it says that you battle with your own self to distract your own into something you love to get transformed. That is something which I realized first when I again inspected "Light & Shadow"
Read more

Love hurts, rejection can be fatal.

Today I write with heavy heart. The friend I thought I had have left. The girl he loved broke up with him. So he decided he no longer wants to live. He packed his bags and left my house. He broke my heart, he did not even say goodbye. This story started about a year and a half ago. My husband’s friend asked if he can come for a visit, we had a spare bedroom so we agreed. It was a friend he has not seen in about 30 years. Time is nothing when you put a real friendship to the test. One day he called in and said: “I will be arriving in 2 days, can you pick me up from the airport?” With the time of his arrival, it made more sense for me to pick him up, so I did that. The airport is not far from my work, so I went and picked him up. My husband picked him up from my work a few hours later. In the evening when we got home we introduced him to my son and his GF, showed him his room, his bathroom and showed him the house. He surprised me when he picked up cleaning supplies a
Read more

I was tied up all day…

Image
I had an interesting photoshoot over the past weekend. It was ribbon and rope bondage and it was my first time being tied up like that. As always I woke up anticipating my photoshoot, jumped in the shower, fed my men, and then the time was mine to make myself look pretty. Since I was planning on the red lipstick I wanted to be conservative with my eye makeup, after all I did not want to look like a very badly made up doll, Dinka Doll, doll, lol, no pun intended.  So I went easy with my eyes, opted in for a smoky light look. Topped it off with red mani and pedi and I was good to go. I jumped in my car, turned on my book and took off. Upon arrival I met my rope specialist Robbie, it was a first time I was meeting him, as far as photographer, and I have shot with him before on many occasions. He proved to be reliable, fun, very professional and what's more important – he is a good photographer, who got me published.   After I dressed, or better say undressed I came out to get
Read more