Making an Effort.

Why do you need to make an effort, what is it for, who needs it? What does it mean to make an effort in the relationship? In my understanding it means that I need to go out of my way to please someone else, or to do something for my partner. It could be a simple online research, or as complicated as learning a new language if your partner does not speak yours. Any relationship is a give and take, it's kinda like a child’s see saw game where one kid is on one side of the board, and another one is on the opposite – one person cannot play this game alone. And if one kid is bigger than the other, he needs to make an effort not to sit down to fast, so the other one will not get airborne. It all depends on you, since you are the only one responsible for your actions and choices. Every day you make a choice, and every choice has consequences.

My husband said that he will make an effort to learn something that interests me, but he said that he will learn it only if it's delivered to him as a personal training, and he is not willing to look for information himself. Is it really an effort? Does it count? I am not so sure. As much as I would like to think that it's an great effort on his end, I keep thinking that it kinda like saying that if you are interested in me perusing this subject, please deliver the information to my door, and make sure that it’s easily digestible so I can understand it. If he would have said, sure, but I don't really have much time to learn right now, but I will make an effort, even if it's for 5 minutes while I sit in the bathroom – that would be totally different story. To me it would say – I am really interested to learn, but since I don't have much time, I can't dedicate myself to this fully, so I will use whatever time I have. It leaves me wondering on how much effort I want to make next time I am asked to do something.
If you like someone you make an effort to learn what they like. Football for instance. My friend married a football fanatic, she made an effort to learn a little bit about the football, so she would understand him, and she even hosted Super Ball parties for his friends. I praised her for it, as I would not be doing that. So it leaves me wondering if my husband feels the same way about the subject that interests me. Is it so not interesting to him that he said that he will make an effort, but in real life he just uses as an excuse for not going through without upsetting me? Or would he really want to learn and that is just the way he chose to approach it?



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