One and the Only

When you start a relationship with swing it's hard to get away from it. It's kinda always there. Even if you wake up one day and announce to your partner “I think I am done, I just want you and nobody else” in your partners mind it creates a void, like there was something there and now it is gone. Kinda like if you have a wart on your finger and you are so used to having it, and you had it for 20 years, and finally you decide to get rid of that wart and have enough guts to go to the doctor and cut the damn thing off. The next day you wake up feeling that spot and missing it, you can no longer play with it, draw funny faces on it, it can longer bring you comfort when you touch under stress - it's just gone and not coming back. You realize it that it's so far gone that there is a scar that is going to remind you of what you lost. I think swing or “Alternative lifestyle” as some call it can be compared with a wart. There is always that chance that the wart might come back, but by the time it is back, it's no longer wanted there, and now it's just something that is in your way and you are already looking up the doctors to get rid of it.

Well, here is how it all started, well the short version. My ex and I were into swing, and I was really tired of it because I was dragged to the parties every weekend. When I started dating my current husband we continued to participate in the “activities” but not nearly as much. And it was working for us for a while. That was till we had experience with a couple that kinda went little crazy with jealousy. And I said that I was done with it. I was no longer interested having sex with strange men. My husband still sees himself as a “hunter” and he is always looking at some girls, and I can care less about it, as I am free to roam as well. It keeps things interesting, as long as your partner is still totally into you. Until one day you wake up and realize that it's no long the case.

How did I come up to this conclusion? Simple! I been trying to make things interesting for a long time, any long term relationship gets little stale after ten years, you fall into routine, and it no longer excites you, it does not get your blood boil. So I start dressing sexy for him, looking for new tips and tricks to use in the bedroom, new educational videos to learn something new, role play. At some point I thought that we can spice things up with some BDSM play, implementing some toys, blindfold and cuffs, nothing serious, just light stuff. I was turned down once again. I did not know what else I can do when I came across interesting questionnaire on www.mojoupgrade.com , so I filled it out and asked him to do the same. The cool thing is about it, if for some questions you answer “Yes” and your partner “No” I will not see those questions at all, so it kinda saves you some embarrassment if your partner totally not into something he will never know that you are. After getting all pumped up and excited I was eagerly waiting for his email. Finally I got his email back and before I was able to read our “compatibility report” I get a call from my loved one.

- I know what the problem is – he said
- Ok, what is it?
- When you said that you are not into swing any more, it kinda killed my desire, I was no longer “hunting” so my sex drive was going down. Why don’t we try a BDSM couple to “show us the ropes”

Wait a minute, did he just tell me that I don’t turn him on and he much rather look for something that will turn him on on the side so he will be interested in me, then think on how to find his “inspiration” in me? Why is it all of a sudden BDSM became totally acceptable when another couple is involved, when I was put down for offering it before? What did I miss?

My first impulse was to agree, and I did that. We went on the swing website and change our profile to reflect our current desires. Funny thing was that last time we updated profile on 8/16/14 and after that I said that I was not interested. We are back at the same place exactly a year later.

He spent few hours on it just looking at some couples. Ok, you need the process of the “hunt” to get excited. He went to the store to pick up some onions for dinner, while he was gone I dressed up in a short shirt and a cute top - that did not get much reaction from him, accept looking under my skirt to see if I have my thong on.

After dinner we were laying in the bed and this realization washed over me with new force, I can't change how I feel, and I don’t know how to express myself any better.

Did I just become way too available to him that “hunting” me is no longer interesting for him? How can I change that? How living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed and me being more sexual than he is - how can I be less available?

I feel like walls are closing in on me, and anything I do is useless. I exhausted all my resources, I feel empty inside. I don't feel desired and wanted. Why am I fighting, and what am I fighting for?