Black will always be Black

I was supposed to see my Master friend today – it's Friday. I have not called to confirm, I am waiting, I am not really sure I want to go. I turn to my Tarot cards and ask a question. As I am shuffling a card falls out, and I interpret it as a message. I proceed to shuffle, and I get my answer as a NO. So I am already planning on how I will be calling him when I am half way home, and telling him that I totally forgot. Ten minutes later he sends me a text with a reminder, I exhausted every excuse. So I go and see my Master friend right after work. After all we did agree to meet every Friday for my training. 

Came over, we talked, chilled, talked some more until the moment when I heard someone was opening the front door. That was his new Slave. A very smart, intelligent overweight and tired looking attorney. She was living with my Master friend for the past 3 month. She was recovering from her very bad marriage that lasted 20 years.

All three of us are sitting and talking about bad and abusive relationships, how we all dealt with them, talking about plans for the future, money making plans. We are all almost naked, only underwear is on, it kinda fits with the conversation we are having. We are bearing souls, so why not bear our bodies as well?

I am beginning to feel little bit uncomfortable there. No, nothing changed, we are still talking, snacking on the chips with salsa. We are talking about relationships and sex, the more I hear, the further away my mind wanders. He is talking about our mutual relationships, and how we are going to make a lot of money and travel, but I hear another conversation that is not spoken out loud. He says “Dinka Doll, we are going to start on the BDSM website for you, you are kinky, we will be able to make some good money, and you will have fun and enjoy it” But all I can hear out of this conversation  is “I got this down to a science, I am a professional pimp. I collect battered women, I care for them the way one would care for a wounded animal. I help them find inner strength, and then I use them in a loving way. They clean my house, take care of all my sexual needs, financially support me with my lifestyle, and I just lead, tell them what to do and take care of them sexually. Everybody wins.” As a slave he wants full submission, no questions asked. He needs to know everything about the slave, who she talks to, what she eats, how she eats, every little detail of her life is under his watchful eye.

He is telling me how he can arrange some “meetings for me with guys with money” who would pay up to $2000 for few hours with me. And I am thinking to myself – from one hand the money side of this sound good, but is that the way I really want to make money? Is that what I want to do with my life? Suddenly it felt very dirty to me, and I was having second thoughts about this whole deal.

He said “let’s go upstairs to the playroom, and lighten the mood”, we follow his lead. He takes a rope, and binds Her full big breasts, she is feeling relieve, Her breasts feel lighter now, they got much needed support, he plays with her nipples for few minutes, and asks me to do the same. Her breasts feel soft and tender in my hands, I lift them up to feel how heavy they are, and I touch her sensitive nipples. He asks her if she is ready to cum, she softly nods. He snaps his fingers and Her face looks like it's almost in tears, and I don't quite understand what is happening, then I realize that she actually came. I am just sitting and observing, he snaps his fingers and she cums once again. He leads her into the second room and tells her to sit down. 

He ties me down on the cross, takes a whip and starts flogging me. Why is he punishing me? Wait, I did want to experience this, I wanted to see how it feels, I am not aroused, I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. My ass is red, and he is done with this punishment, I have not said a word. He takes out a magic wand and plays with me. My pussy feels overly sensitive, I cum once, I am done, and I don't want to feel the vibrator any more. I want to go home, I want to go home right now, and I want to be released. I am almost in a state of panic, and all I can think of is safety of my house and being in the arms of a person who will never make me do what I don't want, who will never degrade me. He unhooks me from the chain, grabs my hair and orders me to play with Her. I don't want to! I am not attracted to her, and I don't want to play. I am almost having a tantrum, I keep chanting “I want to go home, please release me” he pays me no mind as he pulls my hair harder, he grabs my throat and chokes me lifting me to my toes, it's hard to breeze. I look him in the eyes, unbending and unwilling to surrender to his will. It pisses him off, I feel dominance oozing from his gaze. He orders me to sit down. I am still wearing the cuffs on my wrists and my ankles, and now I sit down next to Her. He is asking me what have I learned today. My breath is shallow, I have 3 million thoughts running through my head, but none of them are forming into the words. I just look up and stare into his dark eyes. He finally removes my cuffs. I run downstairs to get dressed. He asks me to wait for him. He wants to make sure that I get to my car safely.

 Its 8:30 in the evening, he is upset with me, because I told him that I will stay till about 9 on Fridays when we meet, but he walks me to the car, and tells me that I talk too much. Apparently I am not supposed to answer all the questions that he is asking. How was I supposed to know that?

I drive home in silence, I need to think, I need to calm down, and I need to process. I know that I no longer want to see him ever again. I no longer want him in my life. I finally realize that BDSM is fun and great only as a play and no more then that. I am done, I feel better now as I get closer to my safe place, to my home.