Gratitude is sexy

It is such a pleasure to cook, or prepare meals (in my case) for someone who will appreciate it. Yesterday I created a Taco Salad, put all ingredients on the counter, took pictures, and was taking pictures to show all the step by step instructions. I was really enjoying the process, it was creative and relaxing. After it was all done my hubby and I set down to eat, and I remembered how his ex-wife would ask him if he liked the dish she cooked for dinner, and his standard reply was “I am eating it, aren't I”.

When I make food I put a lot of my energy and thought into it. At first I have to plan, then at the store I have to pick out all the right ingredients and make sure that they are all organic, then I have to create the dish that I planned on doing, and see how I can improve it. It's a creative process. It's not as simple as dumping veggies on the plate. And when I am done preparing this food with love, I really want to be complimented on it. If I am not getting any recognition for my time and effort then why would I want to put all that into my next meal? So after having this beautiful and delicious meal prepared I started thinking about my friend – his ex-wife, and how it must have made her feel to cook for someone who does not really appreciate it. So I decided to ask him about it, if he understands how it feels to cook for someone and get “I am eating it” as an answer. That was a very bad move on my end. Before I even got to the end of my sentence I was interrupted with sheer anger and hurt. He said: “why would I even consider thanking her for the food, she hurt me so badly, she was cheating on me with a co-worker while I was working full time job form 6-4 and then I had to go for my second part time delivery job till 11. I was making her life so comfortable and she did this to me! This is how she repaid me for all my pain and suffering, so tell me, why I would thank her for her food”. At that point I heard enough, more than enough actually, and I know that story, we been friends for over 20 years, so I know every little detail. She did have a full time job, and took care their house, kid, and she cooked.

At that point he made me feel sorry that I even thought about it. He has so much anger, and so many unresolved issues, and it looks like I am the one who is paying for all that. He worked so hard when he was with her and she took advantage of the situation, but why do I have to be the one to work my ass off every day, and take care of him and the house so he can play games? Where is fairness in all this? I had issues in my previous marriage, but I was able to forgive and move on with it. I was mentally abused, I was raped, and I was used at the swing clubs so he can have sex with another girl, I worked 50-60 hours a week, and cleaned the house. I still always thanked him and complimented him on the food he cooked for me.

Bad behavior does not cancel out the effort that is put in carrying for someone. And neither one of our relationships were so terribly bad that all you have to remember is the bad stuff. There were good times as well as bad times. Why remember only bad? Why not open your heart to the love and be able to forgive. He thinks he forgave her, because we all communicate, have dinners, holidays together, and occasional outings.